It is no secret that this week has been very trying to me in many ways. I find myself conflicted between saying and doing things that I feel and then feeling that maybe it wasn't the right thing or maybe God wanted me to handle that differently.
Yesterday was especially hard. I have to be true to who I am and what I feel like needs to be said or expressing myself. For the most part, I second guess everything and am overly analytical. I guess in the business world, this is mostly a good thing. In the personal world, it can be a little excessive at times.
I don't exactly know when it happened today, but sometime over the course of my day I made peace with all decisions I had to make this week. I thought, personally, if I'm true to myself and speak out of love and compassion, then I've done the right thing. I know that some people think that no matter what your intentions are, all that really matters is how someone else interprets what you say. I don't think this is entirely true. I think, often times, as humans we pick out whatever we want to from a conversation and that is what we focus on. We interpret what people say by where we are in life and how we feel about ourselves.
Professionally speaking, I often have to make decisions that have a direct impact on others. If I wasn't already an overly analytical person, this triples it. Most of the time in the past I've listened to the advice of others and what I should do. In doing that you must choose who you're going to use as a mentor and you have to kind of weed through everything else. I have learned over the last three years what qualities to look for in someone that I want to go to for advice. Over the last three months, I take most everything to God. Since, I have started doing this I have gained more confidence in making decisions, and I make decisions from a place of doing what is best for all. This doesn't make tough decisions any easier but it does give me a solid foundation of why I make certain decisions. I finally felt at peace today in making certain decisions. I now fall on the side of going to God, letting Him guide my decisions and doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do.
So as I sit here, my work week being over, I have a certain amount of freedom. Freedom in knowing that following God, my heart and doing the right thing will always be the right thing to do. This doesn't mean that I'm not going to over analyze everything and it doesn't mean I won't worry about others. It just means that I will have confidence in doing the right thing.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Monday, August 19, 2013
Waiting In a Hospital
It seems like I spend a lot of time waiting in a hospital. In September of 2001 my life changed dramatically. I lived in a sheltered world where nothing bad ever happened. I knew when I saw my brother, in my moms car, picking me up from school on September 5, something was incredibly wrong.
I learned that day, just how fleeting life can be. That was the day that the strongest man I know, had a heart attack, followed by finding out he was diabetic. It's hard to see your Daddy in a hospital bed. It didn't quite sink in at the time the severity of what this meant or the life changes it would mean. At 14, just a few days into my freshman year of high school, I didn't stop to give it much consideration. Other than knowing I didn't like my daddy being in the hospital and not at home with our family.
Throughout the years, I've spent my fair share of time, rushing to the hospital, or waiting for daddy to be admitted to the hospital for a procedure, and each time it gets a little scarier. Each time I realize just how much I need him, and how I know that he's not getting any younger.
Today, I took off work at the last minute to be at the hospital for the birth of my niece, Haybri. I'm sitting waiting in the same hospital that I sat in, in December 2007 waiting for the birth of my nephew, Hayden. I missed his birth, because he decided to wait and not come out till the following day, and I had to be in Arlington taking finals. Haybri was supposed to join this world around noon today, but she is now scheduled for arrival around 5. And so here I sit again, waiting.
The last time I was here, I was in the midst of studying for finals, with really not a care in the world. And today, I sit here, with my iPad and iPhone going off every five seconds with emails or meeting requests. Another simple reminder how fleeting this life is and how nothing is permanent. This time I'm accompanied by the sounds of my sweet nephew telling another little boy he's getting a new sister today.
So as I look back on where I've been in waiting at a hospital till today, I can't help but think about the future. I can't help but think of the possibility that God might bless me with a husband, and someday I may be at the hospital (preferably at my house..but you know).....waiting.
Everything in this life truly comes full circle, and the most important part of it all is how we spend it, waiting, until The Lord takes us home. Do we spend it wrapped up in work? Do we spend it wrapped up in things of this world? Or do we spend it, taking off work at the last minute, with a list of things we were supposed to accomplish, to be in a hospital, waiting, for the most precious gift imaginable. I admit, I'm usually the former, wrapped up in work, but I'm learning to stop and realize what the truly important things in life are.
What do you do while you're waiting?
I learned that day, just how fleeting life can be. That was the day that the strongest man I know, had a heart attack, followed by finding out he was diabetic. It's hard to see your Daddy in a hospital bed. It didn't quite sink in at the time the severity of what this meant or the life changes it would mean. At 14, just a few days into my freshman year of high school, I didn't stop to give it much consideration. Other than knowing I didn't like my daddy being in the hospital and not at home with our family.
Throughout the years, I've spent my fair share of time, rushing to the hospital, or waiting for daddy to be admitted to the hospital for a procedure, and each time it gets a little scarier. Each time I realize just how much I need him, and how I know that he's not getting any younger.
Today, I took off work at the last minute to be at the hospital for the birth of my niece, Haybri. I'm sitting waiting in the same hospital that I sat in, in December 2007 waiting for the birth of my nephew, Hayden. I missed his birth, because he decided to wait and not come out till the following day, and I had to be in Arlington taking finals. Haybri was supposed to join this world around noon today, but she is now scheduled for arrival around 5. And so here I sit again, waiting.
The last time I was here, I was in the midst of studying for finals, with really not a care in the world. And today, I sit here, with my iPad and iPhone going off every five seconds with emails or meeting requests. Another simple reminder how fleeting this life is and how nothing is permanent. This time I'm accompanied by the sounds of my sweet nephew telling another little boy he's getting a new sister today.
So as I look back on where I've been in waiting at a hospital till today, I can't help but think about the future. I can't help but think of the possibility that God might bless me with a husband, and someday I may be at the hospital (preferably at my house..but you know).....waiting.
Everything in this life truly comes full circle, and the most important part of it all is how we spend it, waiting, until The Lord takes us home. Do we spend it wrapped up in work? Do we spend it wrapped up in things of this world? Or do we spend it, taking off work at the last minute, with a list of things we were supposed to accomplish, to be in a hospital, waiting, for the most precious gift imaginable. I admit, I'm usually the former, wrapped up in work, but I'm learning to stop and realize what the truly important things in life are.
What do you do while you're waiting?
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Running
For those of you that used to follow my old blog "My Life As A Runner" you know that my life used to be consumed with running. For those of you that didn't, I started running in January 2012. I ran to relieve anxiety and frustrations. For those of you that know me, this was like second nature for me, and come rain or shine I would be running. I got to buy a cute new pair of running shoes once every couple of months due to all the miles I was running. I was excited for 13 mile Saturday mornings. In October of 2012 I started training for a marathon, my lifelong dream. I got halfway through training and gave up. Last fall and winter was rough on me, and I just gave up. I went from running 30-50 miles a week to running maybe 3 a week. This trend continued much into 2013, but I'm starting to get back on course. I'm even considering starting to train for a marathon in October again.
This week I have dealt with a lot of frustration and anxiety. This evening I went to eat sushi and watch a movie with a friend. When we got out I headed straight home, and that feeling of anxiety inside me was urging me to run. So that's just what I did. I laced up my shoes, got my pepper spray and set out after 9. It was one of those days today where I felt like I could easily pick up and run 10 miles. I made it halfway through my run before I started thinking.
We recently went through a Gods of War study in church. Basically any thing that you put before God and run to for comfort and relief besides God. It hit me that that was exactly what I was doing. I spent the last half of my run talking to Him. Thanking him for this beautiful life he has given me. Looking up at the night sky and the beautiful stars reminded me just how blessed I am in the midst of all my frustration.
This week has been difficult for several reasons and really challenged my walk with God. I've been praying for a lot lately. A few of these things include people in my life that I used to consider to be friends. And for one reason or another over the last few months those people have grown away from me. It is amazing who God will bring in your life and take out of your life when you start walking with Him. I have met some amazing people over the last 3 months and I have lost some people out of my life. Just this week, some of those people I have lost have tried to come back in my life. I've been praying for them everyday. It's hard when you are at a crossroads and you don't want to be mean, but at same time really feel like you can't go back. But after all I've been praying for them for months.
I've also been praying for patience and that I will praise God even while I'm waiting (this is like my theme song). This week has really been a challenge in waiting and patience. It has challenged me when I say "God, I'm going to listen to you, you take the lead." I feel like God has used this week to ask me if I'm really sure that I will follow him no matter what. I end everyday in prayer to Him and knowing that he will ultimately fulfill the desires of my heart.
I'm also coming to a place in my life where I'm fixing to start having to make decisions about how I'm going to spend my time. I have become involved with a lot of organizations over the last year, and it is getting to a point where I'm going to have to start choosing priorities on this. I know that God will lead me to make the decisions He wants, and for me to serve Him in whatever I do. I have received one answer on being involved with an organization. I have been praying for House of Faith since early May, when I wasn't sure why I was being led there. Just last week, they reached out to me to help with some activities they have coming up!
So tonight I turned to running, just like I used too, but God used that time to stop me in my tracks and bring the focus back to Him and really put some things in perspective for me.
This week I have dealt with a lot of frustration and anxiety. This evening I went to eat sushi and watch a movie with a friend. When we got out I headed straight home, and that feeling of anxiety inside me was urging me to run. So that's just what I did. I laced up my shoes, got my pepper spray and set out after 9. It was one of those days today where I felt like I could easily pick up and run 10 miles. I made it halfway through my run before I started thinking.
We recently went through a Gods of War study in church. Basically any thing that you put before God and run to for comfort and relief besides God. It hit me that that was exactly what I was doing. I spent the last half of my run talking to Him. Thanking him for this beautiful life he has given me. Looking up at the night sky and the beautiful stars reminded me just how blessed I am in the midst of all my frustration.
This week has been difficult for several reasons and really challenged my walk with God. I've been praying for a lot lately. A few of these things include people in my life that I used to consider to be friends. And for one reason or another over the last few months those people have grown away from me. It is amazing who God will bring in your life and take out of your life when you start walking with Him. I have met some amazing people over the last 3 months and I have lost some people out of my life. Just this week, some of those people I have lost have tried to come back in my life. I've been praying for them everyday. It's hard when you are at a crossroads and you don't want to be mean, but at same time really feel like you can't go back. But after all I've been praying for them for months.
I've also been praying for patience and that I will praise God even while I'm waiting (this is like my theme song). This week has really been a challenge in waiting and patience. It has challenged me when I say "God, I'm going to listen to you, you take the lead." I feel like God has used this week to ask me if I'm really sure that I will follow him no matter what. I end everyday in prayer to Him and knowing that he will ultimately fulfill the desires of my heart.
I'm also coming to a place in my life where I'm fixing to start having to make decisions about how I'm going to spend my time. I have become involved with a lot of organizations over the last year, and it is getting to a point where I'm going to have to start choosing priorities on this. I know that God will lead me to make the decisions He wants, and for me to serve Him in whatever I do. I have received one answer on being involved with an organization. I have been praying for House of Faith since early May, when I wasn't sure why I was being led there. Just last week, they reached out to me to help with some activities they have coming up!
So tonight I turned to running, just like I used too, but God used that time to stop me in my tracks and bring the focus back to Him and really put some things in perspective for me.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Sharing My Faith
This is a post that I have been contemplating for awhile. I did not know if I should write about it and did not want to offend anyone, but then I thought those that I offend may fall into what I am talking about. My point is not of offend anyone but to share some of my struggles and learning as I grow in my walk with Christ.
I have found over the last almost 3 months that as I have grown closer to The Lord it is easier for me to share my faith with just about anyone who will listen. It seems as if I'm always finding a way to connect everything back to God. I try to do this personally as well as when I'm talking to others. There are words and thoughts coming out of my mouth that are new to me and pretty overwhelming when I think about where I was just 4-6 months ago.
As I begin to think about that, I think, does anyone really believe that my life has changed. Do they really believe what I talk about or do they think it is just an act? Sometimes it is hard to believe that someone can just change so suddenly in what seems to just have happened overnight. I wasn't out doing terrible, horrible bad things, but I do feel like the way I think about things and how I speak to and about people is way different now.
I hope that others can see through my actions and earnest efforts to put God at the center of all my actions and thoughts that my life has really changed. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm not saying I always do or think or say the rights. What I'm saying is that everyday I try to live according to how God would have us to be. Everyday I fall short so it is easy to see where other people can fall short as well. I do not judge them for that, I am just really realizing that we are all human and we make mistakes.
However, what I do find hard to deal with now is how flippant people are with their faith. Some seem to have the whole religion thing nailed down. And like we talked in church yesterday religion gets awfully tiring after awhile. I had a conversation several weeks ago with someone that I was sharing my faith with and the response I received was "well I can go to church and praise Jesus and all that but then during the week I can do whatever I want." This absolutely broke my heart. Never before in my life have I been as concerned for others souls as I am now.
I'm also having a hard time with people who say one thing and do another. I've learned that sometimes when people find out your faith, they latch on to that and use that as a way to wiggle into your life. Like the saying goes, be careful with your thoughts and feelings, there are few people who care and the rest are just curious. This doesn't mean that we shouldn't care for, minister to and pray for them, but be careful to the tricks of satan and how he works in others to bring you down. Everyday I encounter someone who will be listening to Christian music and the turn around and curse or do say one thing and then turn around and do another. It is so hard for me to understand.
This absolutely breaks my heart, but as the title of this post goes, sharing my faith is one of my most favorite things to do these days. I'm so grateful for a merciful forgiving God that doesn't keep score. I'm thankful for daily opportunities to share my faith.
Like I said, I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes and I do try my hardest not to judge others, but to love them and pray for them. I hope that others can look at my life and see God.
Today I'm most thankful for
1) a renewed relationship with God
2) daily opportunities to share my faith
I have found over the last almost 3 months that as I have grown closer to The Lord it is easier for me to share my faith with just about anyone who will listen. It seems as if I'm always finding a way to connect everything back to God. I try to do this personally as well as when I'm talking to others. There are words and thoughts coming out of my mouth that are new to me and pretty overwhelming when I think about where I was just 4-6 months ago.
As I begin to think about that, I think, does anyone really believe that my life has changed. Do they really believe what I talk about or do they think it is just an act? Sometimes it is hard to believe that someone can just change so suddenly in what seems to just have happened overnight. I wasn't out doing terrible, horrible bad things, but I do feel like the way I think about things and how I speak to and about people is way different now.
I hope that others can see through my actions and earnest efforts to put God at the center of all my actions and thoughts that my life has really changed. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm not saying I always do or think or say the rights. What I'm saying is that everyday I try to live according to how God would have us to be. Everyday I fall short so it is easy to see where other people can fall short as well. I do not judge them for that, I am just really realizing that we are all human and we make mistakes.
However, what I do find hard to deal with now is how flippant people are with their faith. Some seem to have the whole religion thing nailed down. And like we talked in church yesterday religion gets awfully tiring after awhile. I had a conversation several weeks ago with someone that I was sharing my faith with and the response I received was "well I can go to church and praise Jesus and all that but then during the week I can do whatever I want." This absolutely broke my heart. Never before in my life have I been as concerned for others souls as I am now.
I'm also having a hard time with people who say one thing and do another. I've learned that sometimes when people find out your faith, they latch on to that and use that as a way to wiggle into your life. Like the saying goes, be careful with your thoughts and feelings, there are few people who care and the rest are just curious. This doesn't mean that we shouldn't care for, minister to and pray for them, but be careful to the tricks of satan and how he works in others to bring you down. Everyday I encounter someone who will be listening to Christian music and the turn around and curse or do say one thing and then turn around and do another. It is so hard for me to understand.
This absolutely breaks my heart, but as the title of this post goes, sharing my faith is one of my most favorite things to do these days. I'm so grateful for a merciful forgiving God that doesn't keep score. I'm thankful for daily opportunities to share my faith.
Like I said, I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes and I do try my hardest not to judge others, but to love them and pray for them. I hope that others can look at my life and see God.
Today I'm most thankful for
1) a renewed relationship with God
2) daily opportunities to share my faith
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