I Never Knew the Meaning of Christmas

I wasn't able to go to church at my regular time this morning, but I did go and I'm so glad I went even though 11:30 church is out of my norm.

I must admit that I love nsync's Christmas music, I even have a pandora station for it. As I was getting ready for church this morning the nsync song "I Never Knew the Meaning of Christmas" came on. As I listened to the words I thought how off base the song was. As a young teenager, I guess I never really listened to the words. Here is the chorus of the song:

That I never knew the meaning of Christmas
‘Till you came into my life
I was lost in the dark
‘Till you opened my heart
Like an angel shining bright
I wished on a star
And girl here you are
Suddenly I realize
That I never knew the meaning of Christmas
‘Till I looked into your eyes

I got pretty riled up hearing this lyrics. The meaning of Christmas isn't about a girl at all, it's about Jesus. As I listened to the song I thought about how wrapped up we get during the holidays. We want to have someone to love, we want presents, we want to eat everything in sight and the list goes on and on. I thought back to high school, when having a boyfriend at Christmas was such a huge deal because you got to get them a present, which your parents paid for, and give it to them and then brag to your friends about what your wonderful boyfriend gave you. Where's that boy now, who knows? Chances are you probably didn't marry him, I know I didn't. But the real reason for Christmas has never left my side. Why did it take so many years for me to figure this out?

I went on about getting ready and headed to church. The pastor preached on JOY today. Joy is a gift from God and doesn't depend on our circumstances. He made the point that if our circumstances and earthly possessions bring us joy why aren't there more happy people in this world. If you drove a car to church this morning, slept on a mattress last night - you are among the richest people in the world. So why is I that we don't have more joy? The answer is simply that true joy comes from The Lord, and nothing can steal that joy from us unless we let it. The passage that we studied this morning was the Christmas story in Luke - the real meaning of Christmas.

It has been awhile since I've taken some time to write a blog, but today I felt like I needed too. To share my thoughts from the day and to remind myself that during this season true joy doesn't come from food, presents or who is my life, true joy comes from The Lord and the ultimate gift he gives us - eternal life.

It isn't wrong to want presents, to spend time with loved ones and have someone to love, or even to eat a little more than you should. But, remember this Christmas season, it isn't about all that. It's about the One who brings us joy and comfort. If He is with us, we are never alone.

Why Do We Love?

Earlier today I was thinking that I hadn't blogged in a few days and was trying to come up with something to say. Knowing good and well it never works for me that way. My blog posts come to me at random times and are generally the culmination of many events that prompt me to think about something. This put me in a dilemma today because I really wanted to write.

This evening it came to me.

As I look at some of the people in my life and decisions they make I wonder why we choose to love certain people. Why do we choose to love those that reject us? We do we choose to love those that emotionally or physically abuse us? We reject those that love us; we reject those that treat us well. Why is this? Why do we often choose a path that isn't going to bring us happiness, and ultimately bring us heartache and failure?

Emotions are fragile. Love is a house, love is protection, love is selflessness and devotion. Love means having mercy and faith. Love doesn't see physical characteristics, love sees the heart of someone. Mature love is a gift of God. Some people search their whole lives for this type of love. We search for it in someone who we are physically attracted too, we search for it in those that don't treat us the way we should be treated and often times we search for it in all the wrong places.

I know that for me, I want to fall in love with a man who is so deeply in love with Jesus, that that is all I see when I look at him and that is all others see when they look at him. I only want to get married if I can better serve God with someone else rather than by myself. This outlook I have arrived at is a far cry from where I've been. But I'm at a point in my life where I couldn't imagine marrying anyone for any other reason than this.

I too have been in a position where I cared about someone who didn't care for me, who didn't treat me right and didn't love Jesus. I have been that person that rejected someone who cared about me and would have treated me with the utmost care and would have been a good leader. I think at some point in our lives we all do this.

I had a conversation with a friend this morning and he said he had been thinking about something. What he told me ties in perfectly with this blog. I can't repeat verbatim what he said but the gist of it was that the way we love others when they reject us is exactly how Jesus loves us. How many times have we rejected Him, yet he still seeks us? How often we do abuse His name, yet he still loves us.

Jesus loves us enough that when we seek him first he gives us the desires of our heart. There is no confusion, no chasing, no questions and no doubt. When we let Jesus lead our paths he will bring us exactly where he wants us. If we run after Jesus and seek him and love him like he loves us I know the blessings he has for us will far surpass anything we could ever pray for.

Heart of Worship

Wow! What a busy week this has been. I have spent every evening of this week with my church group and it has been such a blessing. It has left little time for any Britni time, but such a blessing. Tonight I accepted an invitation to go do something I had never done before and again that turned out be such a blessing. It fills my heart to make good friends that I know I can count on and really seek advice from and listen to them as well.

Wednesday, this last week, was Worship and Prayer night at church. It was led by a group of high school students. My heart is very broken for our youth so this was so nice to see this group serving The Lord. About 3/4 of the way through they played an older song, Heart of Worship. This has always been one of my favorite songs, but this time it broke me down and I cried. Not tears of hurt, but tears of thankfulness that God brought me back to a Heart of Worship, when I had walked so far away from him. Through the struggles in my life I can truly see God's grace and his mercy.

My past is something I have struggled with and often feared that it would define me for the rest of my life. I had someone tonight tell me that my past is a part of who I am and will always be, but I'm not the judge of what I deserve, God is. This is something that I know, but to have a friend reach out and tell me that really meant a lot.

Just as God has shown his grace in my life he also is great and ever merciful and gives us the best when we choose to follow him. I often pray the prayer that God will break my heart for what breaks his, but this was a challenge we were given this morning in church as well. In many ways, my heart does break for certain things, but I don't think that there is ever a point where I will come to where I can say that "ok, Lord, my heart is broken enough and I've cared enough, I'm done." This race that God sets before us is never done.

Right now, I'm really praying for something personal. I don't know the answers, I don't know where I'm being directed, I don't know why God is breaking my heart for this particular thing, but he is. All I can do and say is that I will run that race and follow God wherever he leads. I'm so thankful that he has brought me back to this Heart of Worship. Though there are tough times and answers may not always seem clear, being in the presence of The Lord is always the right thing to do and is never failing.

Do You Serve Where You Live?

I have been in San Angelo for a little over three years now. The first year and a half was pretty miserable. I moved from the city and constantly questioned myself as to why I would do that. I really refused to make friends, to stay in San Angelo on the weekends and to be any sort of happy. I went home practically every weekend, made plans with my friends in DFW and generally thought life would be so much better if I was just back in the city.

San Angelo has a way of eating on you though and eventually I came to love San Angelo. I started getting involved, making friends here and learned to love life in San Angelo. I love that I can get anywhere in 10 minutes, I can go to restaurants where they know my order when I walk in, where I can run anywhere in town and not fear for my life and where I can be involved and make an impact in my community. Now, I wouldn't go as far as to say that I have adopted shopping habits in San Angelo. I still prefer the J. Crews and Banana Republics and organic fresh groceries, but there has to be some give, right?

My life here in San Angelo has developed into a great journey. As I drove back across town to work this afternoon, I reflected on my life over the last three years. I was leaving an agency that I have committed to serving through December, but more than that committed to serving the community. I recanted in my mind the different things I do and am involved in here, now, and it seems like that life that I had when I first moved to San Angelo is non-existent.

Most of my time now consists of church, work and volunteering. Volunteering for church activities and community activities. It seems as if I roll out of work into doing something every evening of the week. Sometimes I get pretty exhausted by it all and by the time Friday rolls around I'm ready to go home, change straight into my pajamas and stay on the couch the rest of the evening.

I wouldn't change a thing. I think it is so important to serve where you live. It is important to serve God, it is important to serve the community you live in. It is important to get involved, know what is going on and be a part of the community. It wasn't till I started serving in the community that I really began to love San Angelo and it wasn't till I started serving God in this community that I started loving MY life here.

Do you serve where you live? 

Doing The Right Thing

It is no secret that this week has been very trying to me in many ways. I find myself conflicted between saying and doing things that I feel and then feeling that maybe it wasn't the right thing or maybe God wanted me to handle that differently.

Yesterday was especially hard. I have to be true to who I am and what I feel like needs to be said or expressing myself. For the most part, I second guess everything and am overly analytical. I guess in the business world, this is mostly a good thing. In the personal world, it can be a little excessive at times.

I don't exactly know when it happened today, but sometime over the course of my day I made peace with all decisions I had to make this week. I thought, personally, if I'm true to myself and speak out of love and compassion, then I've done the right thing. I know that some people think that no matter what your intentions are, all that really matters is how someone else interprets what you say. I don't think this is entirely true. I think, often times, as humans we pick out whatever we want to from a conversation and that is what we focus on. We interpret what people say by where we are in life and how we feel about ourselves.

Professionally speaking, I often have to make decisions that have a direct impact on others. If I wasn't already an overly analytical person, this triples it. Most of the time in the past I've listened to the advice of others and what I should do. In doing that you must choose who you're going to use as a mentor and you have to kind of weed through everything else. I have learned over the last three years what qualities to look for in someone that I want to go to for advice. Over the last three months, I take most everything to God. Since, I have started doing this I have gained more confidence in making decisions, and I make decisions from a place of doing what is best for all. This doesn't make tough decisions any easier but it does give me a solid foundation of why I make certain decisions. I finally felt at peace today in making certain decisions. I now fall on the side of going to God, letting Him guide my decisions and doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do.

So as I sit here, my work week being over, I have a certain amount of freedom. Freedom in knowing that following God, my heart and doing the right thing will always be the right thing to do. This doesn't mean that I'm not going to over analyze everything and it doesn't mean I won't worry about others. It just means that I will have confidence in doing the right thing.

Waiting In a Hospital

It seems like I spend a lot of time waiting in a hospital. In September of 2001 my life changed dramatically. I lived in a sheltered world where nothing bad ever happened. I knew when I saw my brother, in my moms car, picking me up from school on September 5, something was incredibly wrong.

I learned that day, just how fleeting life can be. That was the day that the strongest man I know, had a heart attack, followed by finding out he was diabetic. It's hard to see your Daddy in a hospital bed. It didn't quite sink in at the time the severity of what this meant or the life changes it would mean. At 14, just a few days into my freshman year of high school, I didn't stop to give it much consideration. Other than knowing I didn't like my daddy being in the hospital and not at home with our family.

Throughout the years, I've spent my fair share of time, rushing to the hospital, or waiting for daddy to be admitted to the hospital for a procedure, and each time it gets a little scarier. Each time I realize just how much I need him, and how I know that he's not getting any younger.

Today, I took off work at the last minute to be at the hospital for the birth of my niece, Haybri. I'm sitting waiting in the same hospital that I sat in, in December 2007 waiting for the birth of my nephew, Hayden. I missed his birth, because he decided to wait and not come out till the following day, and I had to be in Arlington taking finals. Haybri was supposed to join this world around noon today, but she is now scheduled for arrival around 5. And so here I sit again, waiting.

The last time I was here, I was in the midst of studying for finals, with really not a care in the world. And today, I sit here, with my iPad and iPhone going off every five seconds with emails or meeting requests. Another simple reminder how fleeting this life is and how nothing is permanent. This time I'm accompanied by the sounds of my sweet nephew telling another little boy he's getting a new sister today.

So as I look back on where I've been in waiting at a hospital till today, I can't help but think about the future. I can't help but think of the possibility that God might bless me with a husband, and someday I may be at the hospital (preferably at my house..but you know).....waiting.

Everything in this life truly comes full circle, and the most important part of it all is how we spend it, waiting, until The Lord takes us home. Do we spend it wrapped up in work? Do we spend it wrapped up in things of this world? Or do we spend it, taking off work at the last minute, with a list of things we were supposed to accomplish, to be in a hospital, waiting, for the most precious gift imaginable. I admit, I'm usually the former, wrapped up in work, but I'm learning to stop and realize what the truly important things in life are.

What do you do while you're waiting?

Running

For those of you that used to follow my old blog "My Life As A Runner" you know that my life used to be consumed with running. For those of you that didn't, I started running in January 2012. I ran to relieve anxiety and frustrations. For those of you that know me, this was like second nature for me, and come rain or shine I would be running. I got to buy a cute new pair of running shoes once every couple of months due to all the miles I was running. I was excited for 13 mile Saturday mornings. In October of 2012 I started training for a marathon, my lifelong dream. I got halfway through training and gave up. Last fall and winter was rough on me, and I just gave up. I went from running 30-50 miles a week to running maybe 3 a week. This trend continued much into 2013, but I'm starting to get back on course. I'm even considering starting to train for a marathon in October again.

This week I have dealt with a lot of frustration and anxiety. This evening I went to eat sushi and watch a movie with a friend. When we got out I headed straight home, and that feeling of anxiety inside me was urging me to run. So that's just what I did. I laced up my shoes, got my pepper spray and set out after 9. It was one of those days today where I felt like I could easily pick up and run 10 miles. I made it halfway through my run before I started thinking.

We recently went through a Gods of War study in church. Basically any thing that you put before God and run to for comfort and relief besides God. It hit me that that was exactly what I was doing. I spent the last half of my run talking to Him. Thanking him for this beautiful life he has given me. Looking up at the night sky and the beautiful stars reminded me just how blessed I am in the midst of all my frustration.

This week has been difficult for several reasons and really challenged my walk with God. I've been praying for a lot lately. A few of these things include people in my life that I used to consider to be friends. And for one reason or another over the last few months those people have grown away from me. It is amazing who God will bring in your life and take out of your life when you start walking with Him. I have met some amazing people over the last 3 months and I have lost some people out of my life. Just this week, some of those people I have lost have tried to come back in my life. I've been praying for them everyday. It's hard when you are at a crossroads and you don't want to be mean, but at same time really feel like you can't go back. But after all I've been praying for them for months.

I've also been praying for patience and that I will praise God even while I'm waiting (this is like my theme song). This week has really been a challenge in waiting and patience. It has challenged me when I say "God, I'm going to listen to you, you take the lead." I feel like God has used this week to ask me if I'm really sure that I will follow him no matter what. I end everyday in prayer to Him and knowing that he will ultimately fulfill the desires of my heart.

I'm also coming to a place in my life where I'm fixing to start having to make decisions about how I'm going to spend my time. I have become involved with a lot of organizations over the last year, and it is getting to a point where I'm going to have to start choosing priorities on this. I know that God will lead me to make the decisions He wants, and for me to serve Him in whatever I do. I have received one answer on being involved with an organization. I have been praying for House of Faith since early May, when I wasn't sure why I was being led there. Just last week, they reached out to me to help with some activities they have coming up!

So tonight I turned to running, just like I used too, but God used that time to stop me in my tracks and bring the focus back to Him and really put some things in perspective for me.

Sharing My Faith

This is a post that I have been contemplating for awhile. I did not know if I should write about it and did not want to offend anyone, but then I thought those that I offend may fall into what I am talking about. My point is not of offend anyone but to share some of my struggles and learning as I grow in my walk with Christ.

I have found over the last almost 3 months that as I have grown closer to The Lord it is easier for me to share my faith with just about anyone who will listen. It seems as if I'm always finding a way to connect everything back to God. I try to do this personally as well as when I'm talking to others. There are words and thoughts coming out of my mouth that are new to me and pretty overwhelming when I think about where I was just 4-6 months ago.

As I begin to think about that, I think, does anyone really believe that my life has changed. Do they really believe what I talk about or do they think it is just an act? Sometimes it is hard to believe that someone can just change so suddenly in what seems to just have happened overnight. I wasn't out doing terrible, horrible bad things, but I do feel like the way I think about things and how I speak to and about people is way different now.

I hope that others can see through my actions and earnest efforts to put God at the center of all my actions and thoughts that my life has really changed. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm not saying I always do or think or say the rights. What I'm saying is that everyday I try to live according to how God would have us to be. Everyday I fall short so it is easy to see where other people can fall short as well. I do not judge them for that, I am just really realizing that we are all human and we make mistakes.

However, what I do find hard to deal with now is how flippant people are with their faith. Some seem to have the whole religion thing nailed down. And like we talked in church yesterday religion gets awfully tiring after awhile. I had a conversation several weeks ago with someone that I was sharing my faith with and the response I received was "well I can go to church and praise Jesus and all that but then during the week I can do whatever I want." This absolutely broke my heart. Never before in my life have I been as concerned for others souls as I am now.

I'm also having a hard time with people who say one thing and do another. I've learned that sometimes when people find out your faith, they latch on to that and use that as a way to wiggle into your life. Like the saying goes, be careful with your thoughts and feelings, there are few people who care and the rest are just curious. This doesn't mean that we shouldn't care for, minister to and pray for them, but be careful to the tricks of satan and how he works in others to bring you down. Everyday I encounter someone who will be listening to Christian music and the turn around and curse or do say one thing and then turn around and do another. It is so hard for me to understand.

This absolutely breaks my heart, but as the title of this post goes, sharing my faith is one of my most favorite things to do these days. I'm so grateful for a merciful forgiving God that doesn't keep score. I'm thankful for daily opportunities to share my faith.

Like I said, I'm not perfect and I do make mistakes and I do try my hardest not to judge others, but to love them and pray for them. I hope that others can look at my life and see God.

Today I'm most thankful for
1) a renewed relationship with God
2) daily opportunities to share my faith

Chances To Use What We Pray For

As I'm growing in my walk with The Lord there are more and more things I pray about. I'm a very impatient person by nature, I speak without thinking most of the time and you can rest assured that if it is on my mind I'm going to say it. This means I don't always say the kindest words and there are a ton of things I've said that would have been better off had I just not said them.

I pray for patience, kind words and a kind heart a lot. I want God to be able to mold me into the type of woman that I know I should be. I'm striving to be a woman of God.

There are some day where the things I mentioned above are easy and then there are days like today. Days that challenge me and ultimately grow me. I try to look at every day as an opportunity to grow, to practice what I pray for. I bit my tongue a lot today, there are times that I wanted to scream or shake someone, and I simply just bit my tongue. What I learned is that the outcome was the same, better even. If I had spoke harsh words, if I had grown impatient, all of that would have been a reflection of me and who I am as a person.

So as I transition in this part of my life my silence may be viewed as passive or not wanting to take action. I view it as doing the right thing, the thing God wants me to do. He wants us all to speak in love. I'm going to fail at this undoubtedly but I also know that I will still continue to grow even when I fail.

Today was a real struggle for me, but I know that tonight I can rest easy knowing that I didn't open my mouth even though I was given several opportunities to do so. I can rest easy knowing that through my behavior and attitude that maybe someone will see that, maybe it will mean something to someone. After all, your faith, your belief in God, your proclamation of him as your Savior all rests in your outward actions. It is so easy to say that we believe in God and He is The Lord of our lives, but the hard part is living in such a way that others can see that.

I pray that I continue to grow in Gods love.

Even though today was a struggle, there is good in every day and today I'm thankful for:

1) opportunities to grow in my walk with God
2) coming home to two precious babies who are excited when I make it home. Nothing beats a wagging tail and the continuous stream of "meows" greeting me when I walk through the door after a hard day

Greatness

I started reading a book for work this evening, "Great by Choice." I love to read and am always looking for a good book to read, especially one that is going to feed me or teach me something. My boss chooses books and we go through them with our management group in a monthly meeting. I think this is pretty awesome as it gives me a reason to read something outside of whatever book I'm currently reading, plus it's a free book. How can a girl disagree with that?

I've only read the first chapter of this book, but clearly by the title, it insinuates that greatness is a choice; something we choose to be or not to be. The first chapter was only about the study that generated the content for the book, so there was not a lot of meat on how we go about choosing greatness for ourselves.

In the secular, job, career world I think greatness is defined differently than how we define the greatness that God gives us. And often times it is hard to reconcile the two. How do we go about accomplishing the goals of our job and still honor God with our actions and words? How do we interact with our co-workers, how do we interact when we have to make decisions that affect people's lives?

Every morning on my way to work I pray for the day. I pray for the people I work with. I pray for myself and how I know God wants me to handle situations. And everyday I fail. Everyday I know I could have said something differently, spent more time talking to someone, simply asking how someone's day is going. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the things I need to accomplish in the day that I don't take time to interact with the people I work with.

Because I fail everyday at greatness in my job, do I fail at greatness everyday? I don't think so. I fail everyday but keeping God as the center of my day is about as great as you can get. However, I even fail at that on a daily basis during certain times of the day.

Is this book going to give me all the answers on how to be great at my job? No. I could read 100 books related to being successful and every time I would learn something new. There is only one book to turn to, to learn the keys of ultimate eternal greatness. And I could read the same verse and every time I would learn something new from it. The Bible is a book that keeps teaching us and feeding us no matter how many times we read it.

Over the course of our lives we determine what we allow into our lives and what we choose to follow. Who we choose to follow says more about our greatness as individuals than any other path we choose. Greatness is a life long process and the ultimate judge of that will not be our boss, our co workers, our friends, our family. I choose to live and strive to live in greatness of the One who will ultimately judge my life. If we all do that everything else will fall in place.


Today I'm thankful for

1) game night and prayer time with my CLG
2) my co workers

While I'm Waiting

It's been awhile since I have sat down to write a blog. I've had a busy last few weeks with work and all I want to do when I get home is...nothing..absolutely nothing. I haven't been running, cooking, anything when I get home. I decided that this week would be different. I would do the things I enjoy doing.

I've been so busy that I have let that get in the way of praying diligently for the things I was praying for before. I still prayed several times a day, but not in the way I knew I should. So I also had a talk with myself about getting back to what is really important in life.

I've had several things on my prayer list that I'm praying about for myself. I also have a prayer list full of requests from others, but tonight I'm going to take time to write about myself.

I'm not a patient person, I think I've mentioned this before in my blog. I want everything done and I want it done yesterday. I've never been good with waiting. Over the last month and a half, God has really challenged me to "wait." This hasn't been the easiest task but it is getting easier everyday.

On this list of things I'm praying for for myself, some are easy to wait for answer for while others are not. This morning, I was listening to pandora as I do every morning and this song came on "While I'm Waiting" by John Waller. I first heard this song on the movie Fireproof and thought it was a good song, but never had much application in my life...because I simply am not a "wait" type of gal.

However, as I listened to the words this morning they rang so true to me. Every time today that I thought about something that I should do, take things into my own hands, all those thoughts that impatient people think, I thought of this song. I know that if I wait for God and don't take matters in my own hands it will be so worth it in the end.

So for now, in several aspects of my life, I'm waiting...

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

Today I'm thankful for:

1) waiting for God so that His will, will be revealed
2) the ability to run.. I love running

Too Long...Catching Up

It has been way too long since I have sit down to write a blog. My last blog entry was on the 10th and a lot has happened since then. I have so many things on my to do list. Here is a recap of what I have learned, realized and been doing

1) I think I have my answer on where I need to plug in with the House of Faith, so I'm going to take a leap of faith
2) I've learned that the right thing is sometimes the truly hardest thing to do but the most rewarding
3) I'm in the process of learning what it takes to be a true leader and that sometimes you just have to draw a line in the sand and that doesn't make you a bad leader
4) I've learned that I can grocery shop somewhere besides HEB
5) I've learned that functioning on 8 hours of sleep and traveling for work in the same week doesn't work well for me
6) I'm an advertising manager and have been for the last 7 months and I've finally sold my first ad
7) I've had to make specific priorities in my day for extracurricular activities and that isn't always the easiest. I've had to learn how to say no and not feel bad about it
8) Working an 11 hour day isn't the worst way to spend your day when you are passionate about what you do
9) I absolutely can't stand for one thing to be out of place in my house and 11 hour days and 8 hours of sleep in a week doesn't really allow for me to keep it completely clean
10) I picked up the cutest wine rack
11) I went on a whataburger eating binge and ate a patty melt 3 nights in a row
12) I found out that something I had been hoping for didn't go through and God said wait
13) I wanted a new car and again the answer was No
14) I'm learning to accept the no's in life along with learning to say it

I'm sure there are more things but that is pretty much it in a nut shell. I don't like odd numbers so I'll stop on an even.

Today I'm thankful for

1) getting a lot of things marked off my to do list
2) accepting the word NO

Just A Day

Normally I have some fabulous, at least I think it's fabulous, story to share or lesson learned for the day. Today, however, is not one of those days. Today was just an ordinary day. Nothing life changing or meaningful really happened today. I started out pretty disgruntled with myself - I didn't make it to work till 8 this morning and I was planning on being there much earlier. Nothing eventful happened at work. After work I went over to a friends to continue our Twilight-watching marathon then back to the office to re-arrange and clean. I did finally get the golf clubs out of my office, so now people won't think that is all I do with my days (but wouldn't that be fabulous to just golf everyday?!?!) Finally, I arrive home and settle in to write. I go to make a cup of chai tea, and I was out. OUT..no chai tea (that was probably the most dramatic thing that happened to me today), so I settled for Taste of San Angelo.

So yeah, nothing awesome happened today but nothing bad happened either. Lately, my days have been filled with answered prayers and God doing awesome things in my life. On a day like today it's kind of a let down after having super great things happening every day. I stop to think about the progression that my life has made over the last month and I start to realize something. In the beginning I was praying for God to change big things in my life, for me to get out of my own way so I could grow closer to God. And he answered my prayers day in and day out.

Now, since I feel more stable in my life, I'm starting to pray for "bigger" things. Things that take time. Things, I realize, that don't happen in a day, but things that happen according to God's timing. Things I've never been patient about before in my life. So, now I've entered a season in my life of being patient and really listening to God day in and day out. And knowing just because I don't see changes today, tomorrow, or next week doesn't mean God isn't working. It doesn't mean God isn't hearing my prayers. I think the most growing we do in our walk with God is to continue to be faithful in those times he is silent. It is easy to be faithful and have a healthy prayer life when it seems like everything we pray for gets answered immediately and we can visibly see him working in our lives.

In this season of my life I chose to be patient even on the days it seems like God isn't working in my life. God can be moving mountains behind the scenes and all he requires of me is to have faith and trust in him.

So today I'm thankful for:

1) the quiet seasons of my life because I know that is when God is growing me
2) giving Twilight a chance and actually enjoying it

Living With a Passion

The message at church this morning was awesome to hear. It was our pastors 15 yr anniversary at the church and we had a guest speaker come in. The guest speaker was someone that had hired our pastor early on in his career and he talked about how he and his wife live and serve with a passion.

Not all of us are called to serve in the ministry, but we are all called to use our talents to serve God. But how do we find what our passion is and what God has called us to do? The guest speaker today gave us three touch points.

1) What do you see that need to be done that no one else is doing?
2) What do you desire to do?
3) Where do other people see God in you?

We have to take a step of faith. Even if we fail God will bless us for having faith. Sometimes we don't always get it right in the very beginning. "Without faith it is impossible to please God. With faith God is pleased." All we need to tell God is "yes." I truly believe when we tell him yes, tell him whatever the question is and wherever you lead me the answer is yes, we will start seeing amazing things happening in our lives.

John 15:7 "If you abide in Me and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire and it shall be done for you"

All we have to do is ask. Asking is sometimes a scary thing though because we don't want to be removed from our comfortable jobs and nice wages. We don't want to be changed or moved if it is going to interrupt our lives. Maybe what we would we find if we asked would be God blessing us even more in our current situation in life. What do you think?

So today I'm thankful for:

1) finding a church home here in San Angelo
2) an afternoon spent hosting the Book Club for Young Professionals of San Angelo

Do We Ask Too Much?

As kids we constantly ask our parents for things and we don't give them too much in return. We give them a lot of headaches but I don't think that counts. As adults we ask for things too. We ask for things from our husbands and wives, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, coworkers, you name it we ask for something from everyone in our lives at one point or another.

I believe there are two types of people in this world, those that give a lot and those that ask a lot. Have you ever stopped to consider which you are? In all relationships there is generally one person that asks more of the other person. And as humans we get really upset by this sometimes. Have you ever been in a situation where you have given and given, and you're tired of giving, you want something in return. Something, anything, no matter how big or small? And then that person asks for something else, and you think when is it ever going to be my turn.

Our parents dealt with this when raising us and they couldn't just exactly kick us out or stop doing for us. As adults though we set standards for ourselves and we get to a point where we say, no more. Maybe it's the boyfriend or girlfriend, maybe it's a coworker or maybe it's just a friend. It doesn't mean we don't care for or love that person, it just means that we can't be close to them anymore. It means they are an emotional drain on us.

I think sometimes, are we an emotional drain on God. Do we ask for too much? Are we selfish when it comes to our relationship with God? How often do we pray and say amen and we didn't thank Him for one thing?

I don't want to be like that in my relationship with God. I need to remember to be more thankful instead of just asking all the time. I also want to be like that in my relationships with people.

So today I'm thankful for:

1) a God that is always giving no matter how much we ask
2) having my own yard that I get to work in (even when my lawn mower is challenging)

When God Gives Us Answers

Tonight was another great night of bible study. Great learning time. Almost two hours went by in the blink of an eye. The Bible IS relevant to our everyday life and that is amazing in itself. A lot of the things we went through really spoke to me tonight and I would like to use this blog to write about what the message was.

However, earlier in the day I already decided what I would write about tonight and I'm still certain that is what I should write about.

As humans we are always asking God to do things for us, to bless us, to give us answers, to lead us out of something, to lead us into something..you name it and someone has asked God for it. When we talk to God he answers our prayers if it is in his will. Sometimes his answer is a gentle nudge and sometimes it is a big push.

I wonder how often if we would listen to the gentle nudges when we know we should, it would save us from being subjected to the big push. That big push can cause us more pain. It's just a reminder that if we pray and ask for answers, we need to listen to those answers.

1 John 5:14-15 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.

God answers prayers when our prayers are according to his will. And when he sends us answers for things that are in his will, we need to realize he is answering our prayers. Too often we mistake signs, coincidences and clues for true answers. And sometimes we miss true answers because they are just too easy to see.

So today I'm thankful for:

1) a unfailing persistent God
2) another great evening of Bible study that really makes me examine my life

Today I'm Thankful For...

...I got in late tonight. I got home early, around 5:30, but some friends called me back out to go to working women's Wednesday at Blaine's. I'm not much for going out on week nights or anytime really. I really really have to be in the mood to go out. I decided to go instead of spending the evening in and had a really great time. It's nice to be surrounded by people that genuinely care and want to spend time with you.

It's amazing how some people can make you feel so insignificant and other people can make you feel so awesome.

So today I'm thankful for:

1) unexpected invites
2) being halfway through the week and getting much accomplished

House of Faith

The week after Mothers Day weekend, the same weekend that my life started changing, God starting moving in my life. I don't know all the ways he is moving but I have been blessed so much over the last four weeks and had so many new wonderful things come into my life.

That first week after that weekend, I had two separate people come to me and talk to me about the same thing. Both of them are my co workers. One of them, with no idea really about what is going on in my life, the other I'm close too. Both talked to me about the House of Faith here in San Angelo and if I knew what that was. In particular they wanted me to meet one lady that works with the HOF.

After the first one talked to me I kind of blew it off, but after the second I knew that God was trying to work in my life. I sent an email to a lady I didn't even know, introducing myself. We agreed we would try to get together for lunch one day in the next few weeks. Well two weeks went by and I have a very busy schedule. I received an email from her asking me to come to a lunch today at the HOF. I made plans to attend.

I fought back tears through the presentation. I had no idea what the HOF does for our community and the type of impact they have. I do not know what my place in all of it is or what Gods plan for me with the HOF is, but I'm thankful to the two ladies that cared enough to talk to me a out it. They must see something and God guided them to talk to me, even though they nor I know the reasons why.

If you don't know what the HOF is, visit their website.

http://www.hofministries.org/

I will be praying for guidance in this.

I actually got off work right after 5, came home, took a cat nap and then headed to game night with my CLG from church. This is the second time I've been with this group of people and I'm still getting to know everyone. There are so many personalities and they all bring something to the table. I'm not much of a game player and really have never been, but I did join in tonight and I had a really fun time.

All in all I would say today was a pretty blessed day.

I'm thankful for
1) God working in my life and through other people to impact my life even though I can't see the reasons right now
2) Getting to know a new group of people here in San Angelo that otherwise I would have probably never met

What Am I Worth?

I think this is something we all struggle with. We all wonder what our worth is or our value is. We have failed relationships and marriages that leave us wondering if we are every going to be worthy of finding true love. We have failed relationships when we give 110% of ourselves to someone else and they don't even meet us half way. We spend countless hours and tears wondering what we did wrong. We have failed friendships because we don't keep in touch with our friends and sometimes we fail our friends but not being there for them. We fail ourselves when we set goals and don't carry them out. But most of all we fail God. But God doesn't fail us.

We get our worth from God. God sets the standard for us, not other people. I find great comfort in that. Because of God we don't have to settle for anything less than everything in life. However, we must learn what everything means to God. It does not necessarily mean everything we want. If we are patient, pray and are faithful to God he will give us everything we need and our hearts desires.

Psalm 139:14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

Psalm 37 Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb. Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass. And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday. Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth. For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be. But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace. The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth. The Lord shall laugh at him: for he seeth that his day is coming. The wicked have drawn out the sword, and have bent their bow, to cast down the poor and needy, and to slay such as be of upright conversation. Their sword shall enter into their own heart, and their bows shall be broken. A little that a righteous man hath is better than the riches of many wicked. For the arms of the wicked shall be broken: but the Lord upholdeth the righteous. The Lord knoweth the days of the upright: and their inheritance shall be for ever. They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: and in the days of famine they shall be satisfied. But the wicked shall perish, and the enemies of the Lord shall be as the fat of lambs: they shall consume; into smoke shall they consume away. The wicked borroweth, and payeth not again: but the righteous sheweth mercy, and giveth. For such as be blessed of him shall inherit the earth; and they that be cursed of him shall be cut off. The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. He is ever merciful, and lendeth; and his seed is blessed. Depart from evil, and do good; and dwell for evermore. For the Lord loveth judgment, and forsaketh not his saints; they are preserved for ever: but the seed of the wicked shall be cut off. The righteous shall inherit the land, and dwell therein for ever. The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment. The law of his God is in his heart; none of his steps shall slide. The wicked watcheth the righteous, and seeketh to slay him. The Lord will not leave him in his hand, nor condemn him when he is judged. Wait on the Lord, and keep his way, and he shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it. I have seen the wicked in great power, and spreading himself like a green bay tree. Yet he passed away, and, lo, he was not: yea, I sought him, but he could not be found. Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace. But the transgressors shall be destroyed together: the end of the wicked shall be cut off. But the salvation of the righteous is of the Lord: he is their strength in the time of trouble. And the Lord shall help them, and deliver them: he shall deliver them from the wicked, and save them, because they trust in him.

I read this Psalm and find great comfort in knowing that doing the right things finds favor with God. When others make you feel like you have no worth or you are feeling like you have no worth, just remember that God sees all of us as worthy children of God. The most important thing in this life is living for God and he will fulfill the desires of our hearts.

I've forgotten the last few nights to write what I'm thankful for. Today I'm thankful for:

1) that my worth is not determined by earthly man
2) the ability to run and run for miles

What I Learned This Weekend

I want to start this post by saying I'm so thankful for so many family, friends and co workers that have been there for me, checked in on me, stayed with me and invited me to do things. This weekend my parents came to stay with me. We shopped, drank bubble tea, ate wonderful food, went to church, had brunch and just spent good quality time together. Instead of a honey do list I had a daddy do list. Daddy fixed the pumps on both my toilets, replaced all my burnt out light bulbs, finished mowing my yard and got me set up with some ant killer and miracle grow.

I also spent some time at the office this afternoon decorating it for a sales blitz we are kicking off tomorrow. I then helped one of my co workers grandsons with his algebra homework. I love math and anything to do with numbers so I was pretty excited to get to help him.

So that's what I did with my weekend. However what I did is not near as important as what I learned. I was even more excited to go to church this morning that normal. Today was the first time my parents got to go to church with me here in San Angelo. It is awesome to get to share that with them. We have always attended the same church so it was nice to get to introduce them to this new part of my life.

We are still studying the book of Galatians. We talked about grace this morning. Grace is an amazingly wonderful thing. The preacher talked about how the grace of God is the only thing that can change someone. We sometimes think we can change people or if they do change that it was by something we did. Wrong. The grace of God is what changes people. For someone to change their heart must change and that happens with grace. All we can do is pray for them and love on them.

This spoke directly to my heart. Too often in my life I have believed that I can change someone, that I can get them to see, that I can make a difference and most times I end up at a loss for words from too many words spoken and broken hearted. But when we put things in Gods hands and let him guide our steps it is easier for us to accept when people don't change the way we want them too or expect them too.

Another thing I learned about grace and never quite thought of it this way before was: you can never be good enough to deserve grace and nothing you can do can be bad enough to keep you away from the grace of God. Isn't that so amazing?

What a great message to hear to begin my week.

Thankful Thursday

I have a lot to be thankful for today. A big thing to be thankful for today is attending a new bible study with a group from church. As I sat in a room with people that I just met tonight and fellowshiped with them I realized a few things. Everyone has a past and a story to tell and people can overwhelm you with kindness. How hard is it to go over to someone's house that you have never even spoke too and introduce yourself? When you are following God's will it seems the most natural thing to do.

The second thing I'm thankful for today is the time to start reading a new book. Yesterday at the Christian book store I bought a book titled, "Successful Women Think Differently." My career consumes a large part of my life so this seemed like a great book for me to pick up and read. I'm sure I will blog more about it as I get deeper into it.

That's all I have for tonight. I've had a marathon of a week but tomorrow is Friday!

Unexpected

My "fresh start" officially began on April 5, 2013, but it wasn't until May 10 that I really started praying and let God order my steps. So my fresh start actually began the morning of May 11. I laid all my worries on The Lord and began for the first time in 8 years to really rely on Him instead of myself.

With this fresh start came a name change. A change back to Britni Nicole Williams. I am proud to be a Williams, always have always will be. When I got married I even moved my last name to my middle name. Being a Williams is important to me; it shows were I come from. The little bit I have talked about my parents, it should be clear how proud I am to be their daughter. I know that if I continue to follow God and his timing that someday if he chooses to bless me I will I have this same pride in the man God chooses for me.

I spent the first few weeks after April 5 getting my social security changed, drivers license changed and the required documents sent for work. As I talked about, my real transformation started on May 10. One thing I have done is join a Bible study group at my church, a first for me. (I feel guilty even admitting that since I was raised in a Christian home, but I've just been too "busy" the last 8 years..but those days are behind me.) Joining a Bible study means studying the Bible right?
What does a girl do though when she doesn't have a Bible that is symbolic of a fresh start? So, today after 11 hours of work I drove over to the Christian store rather than heading home.

I searched for a good bit of time for the perfect Bible. I have been in churches my entire life that have only used the KJV, but I just couldn't find the One. The one that felt right in my hands and that made me feel a certain way. (I'm a little crazy about books) I ended up getting a new KJV. I knew that was the one. A pink one.

I ended up picking up a few more books, a daily devotional and a career related book. I checked out and picked the color that I wanted stamped on MY Bible. Aqua. As the gentleman handed me my brand new Bible, a sacred book that I'm sure to spend a lot of time with, tears welled up in my eyes. Never had my name looked so beautiful to me and in that moment I knew, this is my life now. I've been given a second chance to do things the right way.

It wasn't changing it officially on my social security card, it wasn't having rectangular pieces of plastic with my name on them, but it was the Bible, with my name on it that made it official for me.

As I was walking out a lady rolled down her car window and told me I looked fabulous in the dress I was wearing. Icing on the cake and uplifted my spirit.

So today I'm thankful for

1) my name
2) the kindness of strangers

Something To Be Thankful For

Everyday I pray for various people. One group of people that I pray for in particular are the people I work with. I spend more time with these people than I do at home and they play a critical role everyday in my life.

This morning I had one of my co workers come into my office and tell me about the wonderful weekend she spent with her dad and how he ministered to her. She also told me how she wants to change her heart for God. How awesome is that? We spent a few minutes talking about that and I shared a little bit of my story with her.

I told her that I'm back to blogging. When I said that she challenged me to write two things everyday that I'm thankful for. When you find time to be thankful you find less time to think about the things you don't have.

I'd been praying for her, she had this wonderful story to tell me and then she challenged me to do something. Isn't that awesome how our brothers and sisters in Christ challenge us to be better, to think more, to pray more and to give more?

So today I'm thankful for:

1) brothers and sisters in Christ who pray for me and challenge me
2) God working in my heart over the last three weeks

What Makes a Hero?

Yesterday, the church service was about heroes. And I sat in my seat and the preacher called for all people who serve and have served in the military tears began to form in my eyes. There are hundreds upon thousands of people who have laid down their life for the United States of America and we are blessed to live in this country.

We watched a slide show of definitions of a hero and it hit me that anyone can be a hero. Here are some heroes they came to the forefront of my mind.

My Uncle Ira, my mom's sister's husband. He fought in Patton's army in WWII. He has stories that would knock your socks off and then I'm sure stories he will never share with anyone.

The first responders in the tornados in Granbury and Moore. My mom and I drove through the neighborhood in Granbury where the tornado went through. My parent's chiropractor lived near there and shortly after it passed he and a friend went to give aid. Then the teachers at the school in Moore that put themselves in harms way to protect their students. It's really tragic when things like this happen but it also allows us to see the good in people and just how much people are willing to do for others.

Then there is our ultimate hero, someone who paid the ultimate debt for us - Jesus.

John 15:13 Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

Isn't this exactly what Jesus did for us and what we think of when we think of what a hero is?

So on this Memorial Day as we remember our friends and family that served our country and our everyday heroes, lets not forget who our ultimate hero and Savior is.

Wonderful Weekend

This weekend didn't quite start out as I expected it too. I had planned on leaving Friday right after work to head home to visit my mom. However, some unexpected changes happened at work and I ended up staying until 6:30. Some people might think yuck at staying at work on Friday till 6:30 but I genuinely love my job so it wasn't that terrible.

I did head out bright and early Saturday morning. Mom and I had lunch on the square in downtown Granbury and then picked up a bottle of wine for a graduation party Saturday night. Lunch was super yummy: sweet potato soup, quiche, coconut creme pie and coffee.

We met up with my aunt and cousin to head to my cousin's friend's kids' graduation party. Did you get that?

My mom gives me a hard time all the time about being old and boring but that is perfectly fine with me. I was ready to leave about 8:30. I knew we needed a good nights sleep and wanted to make sure we made it to the early service for Church.

The devil tried every which way to keep us from making it to Church but we pushed through and made it (15 minutes late) but we made it. And thank goodness we did. The message was awesome (more on that later).

After church mom and I made it to Blue Mesa for brunch. My most favorite brunch ever. We had 3 rounds of food and 4 mimosas a piece. We needed to walk all that off so naturally we went shopping. I ended up spending a small fortune at J. Crew. Lots of cute clothes for work and clothes for the weekend.

We spent the rest of the evening at my parents looking at the horses and letting the dogs play. Daddy was adamant that I see their newest horse, Bri. She is already shedding her baby hair. We rounded off the evening with pizza and a movie that I only watched for about 30 minutes before falling sound asleep.

All in all a great fun busy weekend. I'm so thankful for the time I got to spend with my mom. I'm lucky to have a mom and best friend all rolled up into one.

Frogs

I found this guy hopping along the road on my way home from town tonight. Parked the car in the garage and searched all over the road for him. Found him. Put the leash on Biscuit and we walked him across the way to the pond.

That's about all I have to say about today.

I worked till 6:30 and didn't get to go to my parents tonight. I'll be headed out bright and early in the morning.

Praying for Patience

Every morning for the last 13 mornings on my way to work I pray for patience and a kind heart and kind words. Patience has never been my strong suit. I'm the type that wakes up one morning and decides I want a new car so I go buy a new car. I'm the type that sees a house in the newspaper, go tour it and decide that day I want to buy it. I'm just not a patient person. However, I've been focusing on changing and improving and growing closer to God and patience is something I spend a good amount of time praying about. I feel like it is the one thing that has always stood between me and God.

I've been learning about what God says about patience.

Hebrews 12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us

So this morning like any other morning, I prayed. When I got to work it seemed as if everyone was out to hurt my feelings today and tears welled up in my eyes more times than I can count, but I stayed strong and kept focusing on the positive and praying for patience. And I sure did have a lot of awesome things happen to me today. 4 awesome things to be exact. I'll share two now and two later.

I went to the dermatologist today and found out that I have no problems or risks so that was a relief. That was one thing. The second was getting a new phone. I have had an iPhone since the very first one came out in 2007. I always jump and pay outrageous prices to get the most brand Spankin new one. However, when the 5 came out I didn't. I just waited. Today I get a text that says trade your iPhone 4S and get the 5 and I thought surely there must be a catch. So after work I went to check it out. No catches or anything...I backed my phone up, restored the factory settings, handed it over, paid sales tax, bought a car charger and walked out of ATT less $36 and with the 5. Apparently this is a promotion ATT has been running for awhile. Patience pays off.

I then went to get my toes and nails done. I'm headed to see my mom tomorrow and wanted to be in tip top shape. Other than that my evening really hasn't gotten much better but tomorrow is "after all another day" (name that movie).

P.S. having a bad day? Whataburger never disappoints.

Trusting Others

Trusting others - sometimes a difficult concept for me. In school when we had the option of working in a group or on our own I always opted to work on my own especially in college. I didn't want to have to rely on anyone to do their fair share and would rather do it all myself, so all the success or failure I bore on my shoulders. I think back and realize that maybe there would have been times that would have been much less stressful if I would have had enough trust in other people.

Yesterday, as I sat around a table with a group of ladies that I have not even known for year I realized that somehow without really even realizing it I have learned to trust people when they say they are going to do something. We we were at our normal once a month Board Meeting for Young Professionals of San Angelo and we had gone through all of our officer reports and then were talking about general business. As we talked about upcoming mixers one of the ladies said "I'll take care of that." Then we were talking about our book club and one of the other ladies said "I'll take care of that." And so on and so forth. And I must admit (sorry ladies if you're reading this) that my mind drifted a little. When I snapped back I thought, "omgosh I haven't written anything down in like 5 minutes." And then I thought, "wait, there really is no reason too, they have it under control and will do what they say."

I'm a compulsive note taker. I rarely ever go over and read my notes, but I just feel like if I have it written down that I'll remember it and 9 times out of 10 that is true. In the not so distant past, I would write everything down, what every single person committed too because I was so worried they wouldn't get it done (not that me writing it down would help that). But, yesterday sitting at that table with 3 ladies who I have felt like have become friends and 2 new board members I realized that its okay and such a relief to trust other people and have them do what they say.

In the professional world it just isn't feasible to do anything all on your own and you start to value the diversity that working with a group brings. So as I've learned that I trust others I'm reminded how the Bible tells us to trust in The Lord.

Proverbs 3:5 - Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

This one particular verse jumps out at me. Too many times we think that our own understanding or working on our own is the best. But God reminds us to trust in Him with all our hearts. It is such a relief and gives me such a peace like never before to know that I can trust in The Lord with all my heart. And it is a nice feeling to know that I can trust the words and work of others.

Learning to trust others was not something that is always easily done and neither is putting all our trust in The Lord, but I know that if I'm faithful to him he will be faithful to me.

Every day brings a new lesson learned for me and that's a pretty exciting feeling every morning waking up and knowing I will see Gods hand in my daily life.

A Father's Expectations

As I sit here eating a brownie and drinking some chai tea, I'm reflecting on this weekend and all of God's blessings and how he answers prayers.

Yesterday I had lunch with my daddy and I was reminded that he is the greatest man I know and very few people have gotten the honor to know him like I do. He has the kindest, most giving heart and a strong spirit. I've watched him over the last 25 years love my mom and give her the world, and I'm not talking just material things. He has loved her in the most kindest compassionate way. They have one of those loves you see and you think "can it really be like that." Well let me tell you, it can. I've watched my daddy give of himself to others and no request of help from him has ever seemed to big. My daddy has a lot to be proud of but remains one of the most humble men I know. God sent my daddy to be my daddy and I'm forever grateful that God gave him and my mom to me as parents. Growing up I gave daddy a lot of headaches and heartaches, but one thing I look back on and amazes me so much is his incredible patience. He is slow to anger, forgives and forgets quickly, loves my mom with a tenderness, is tough when need be, he has been a teacher and life coach for me and has a kind heart. I could go on and on about him but this gives some small insight into the man I am lucky enough to call daddy. Daddy has set the bar of expectation pretty high when it comes to men. If God blesses me with being able to be married again, I pray for a man that is all the things that my daddy is.

I've been praying all week for today, praying that God would use my preacher to speak to me and it would be words of encouragement for this new journey I am on in life. And that is exactly what happened. The message this morning couldn't have been more perfect for what I'm going through. Just like my daddy sets high expectations for all other men, our Heavenly Father also sets high expectations for us. We started a new series in Church this morning and it started with Galations.

We went through Galatians 5:13-26 where God tells us

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

This is just one of the many places thought the Bible that outlines what we are supposed to fill of life with: love, joy, peace and kindness to name a few. Hearing this message this morning filled my heart with peace and an assuredness that if I continue to follow Gods will for my life he will continue to pave the way.

I'm so thankful that God has given us a guide of how to live and also thankful he sent me an earthly father that has and will continue to be a strong pillar in my life.

As a disclaimer I have an equally awesome mom and she at some point will get a blog that is all about her.

Sweet Saturday

This has been a sweet Saturday for many reasons both figuratively and literally. I was looking forward to this weekend all week. I didn't really have plans but I ended up having something to do all day.

I woke up pretty early this morning for a Saturday, picked up a few things I had scattered here and there and put a roast in the crockpot (first time ever). I grabbed a taquito at Whataburger which isn't the healthiest but so yummy. didn't get around to running or yard work, so that has been put off till tomorrow. I met my daddy for lunch halfway between where he works and San Angelo. We ate at Dairy Queen, the only place to eat in a one horse town. We had great conversation and finished off the meal with a blizzard..I tried to be good so I just had a mini one.

I then went shopping with a friend from work. She wanted to find some maternity clothes. I've learned that there aren't really many options for pregnant ladies. Don't these designers know that women want to look pretty even when they are pregnant? Katie kept saying she looked like a whale, and she most certainly does not look anywhere near whaleish. Her hubby had to go to work so we picked up her son Landon and went to get fro-yo. Thats right, two sweet things in one day.

While I was at Target I picked up the movie Eat. Pray. Love. I've always wanted to see it and it was only $5. So that's what I'll be doing tonight - eating the roast if it comes out okay and watching a movie at home. Pretty crazy evening huh?

I also picked up a resolve carpet cleaner thing. Now, I'm not a proponent of using any sort of store bought harsh cleaners or anything like that, but with two animals in the house sometimes you need something a little stronger. I'm interested to see if it will really work.

So that's how I spent my sweet Saturday.

Cupcakes and Juice

My lunch blog seemed to help my spirits considerably but by the end of the day I was just ready to get home and lounge on the couch.

However, when I got home I caught a second wind. Normally on Thursday I would run; today 3 miles. I opted not too because I thought I was going to rest. Well, after juicing 4 apples, 4 oranges and 4 pears, baking chicken and rice, baking strawberry cheesecake cupcakes, 4 loads of laundry, 2 loads of dishes and making sure everything in the house was in its proper place, I'm finally sitting down. Maybe I burned as many calories as I would have running???

I'm hoping tomorrow zips by. I have yard work on the agenda for Saturday morning and I can't wait!! It's crazy the older you get, the things you look forward too.

Here's a peak at the cupcakes

What Faith Can Do

Not going to lie, I've been having a pretty down day today. Not for any particular reason that I can think of. I've been running a million miles an hour this week and through tomorrow evening it isn't looking like it is going to slow down any.

In the midst of me feeling pretty sorry for myself (for really no particular reason) a song came on Pandora, "What Faith Can Do" and I'm reminded that no matter what if we have faith in God that he will move the mountains to fulfill our deepest desires. Here is the chorus to that song.

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

So that song definitely got my attention followed by this next song "Walk by Faith." It seems as if God knew what I needed to hear during my lunch hour. 

 Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do 

And I'm just reminded that for too many years I haven't walked by faith. I'm always diligent to pray for others and their needs, but never myself (sad to say). I'm a little extremely Type A personality and know exactly what I want, right? Well, wrong. 

So, now I'm 6 days into learning to be faithful, and I can already tell that God is moving those mountains and I'm excited to continue to share just how he is doing that. 

My lunch time is over so it's back to work for me and my spirits are lifted!

Starting Over

Learning to Breathe...I thought for a long time on what I would name my new blog. I've had two blogs previously, both of which I didn't have too much to say or any inspiration to write about. I love to write, so writing a great, awesome blog has been a desire of mine for a couple of years now, but I've never been able to get it together - so now is the time.

To some, "Learning to Breathe," may be a funny name for a blog, as breathing is not something we have to learn to do, but rather something we know instinctively. I choose this name for my blog because too often I move through every day life in a scurry and don't take time to notice the small things, to stop and count my blessings, to stop and take a moment to send up a prayer or to thank God or his blessings in my life.

SO, with that being said I have made a commitment to myself and God that I'm going to start taking time to BREATHE.

I had an interesting weekend this last weekend and did some soul-searching; I'm sure I will share more on this later on.

Here I am starting over as Britni Williams, same career, same house, same pets but this time around I'm going to let God lead my life as it should be. 4 days into this changing of my heart, and let me say it isn't easy. With big changes come big sacrifices.

Welcome to my journey!

(I promise to be a better blogger this time around)